"Happy Endings" on ABC Sparks Confusion

While a number of television shows I view are inconveniently in the purgatory of temporary rerun mode, I decided to give a new show a chance. I didn’t do this out of some sort of blind optimism, for that’s not my personality at all. A commercial sung praises to this show as a nominee for the best comedy on television. Now, I’m also not one to blindly follow advertisements either, but I figured this helped make it safe to give this program a shot. That, I found, was a huge mistake.

The ABC show’s title “Happy Endings” turned out to be an incredibly accurate act of foreshadowing. The only time tonight between 9:30 and 10 p.m. that I was truly happy was near 9:55 when the episode was, you guessed it, ending.

I have a taste for art in the realm of the avant-garde, the quirky, bizarre, and offbeat, but I spent more time shaking my head at missed marks rather than marveling at any brilliant absurdism artfully woven into a mainstream network show.

This show features six friends who incessantly speak over each other, lines rarely bouncing between any less than three of them at a time. They speak in a variety of “funny voices,” as they make their way through a plot so loose, were it a wheel on a huge semi, you could expect to see that truck in a ditch within meters. 

These “funny voices” are far more obnoxious than they are humorous. The characters also have a habit of shortening words in oddball ways. For some reason, this particularly irked me. Other lines included a number of cringe worthy clichés. I’ll provide context and examples:

The “plot” was trying to decide on a restaurant to eat at. Yes. Phrases included:

“Let’s throw out some restos." [restaurants]
“Dave has the solooch." [solution]
“Give me a minute to think. It’s not like Superman can just fly whenever he wants to.”
“Faster than a speeding bullet, I’ve got an idea!”
“This pizza is a-mahh-zing!”

A personal favourite:

“Let’s think outside the box. Maybe consider restaurants that don’t exist. For example, where did Gollum eat?”

Here were some situations included in the episode:

A defibrillator being used on a clown, a waiter selling half-eaten steaks in the alley behind a restaurant, and breakup soundtracked by a mariachi band.

The episode ended with the line “great moments are born from great opportunity,” and the group of friends walking out of a restaurant chanting “USA! USA! USA!”

It’s OK, I didn’t get it either.

“Happy Endings” is on ABC Wednesdays at 9:30 p.m., if you dare.